Chapter 1: Another Man`s Motive

Once there was a bloke who dreamed of opening a plant nursery on his paddock. That dream included a Tearooms, “Cup of tea with the cows” type tearooms. Council approval is needed for such things. The building, position of the gate, colour of the roof, the shape of the teacups…..all the usual red tape. Eventually he managed to find his way though the maze of conditions. Those tearooms opened.

He applied for permission to place a cut-out teapot on the roof of the tearooms. But AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! No luck.

Sitting in his long standing, approved, good taste hayshed (ipso octo hocto procto) he licked his metaphorical wounds and thought. And thought. Suddenly, a light globe appeared above his head. An ‘edison’ moment! A way to get a large teapot, if not on the roof, then into the paddock between the teahouse and the road.

As a member of the local bushfire brigade, he knew they needed money. And he needed a teapot. Thus was born the Teapot Sculpture Competition. An acquisitive prize of $500, the winning sculpture stays on site. Voting is by patrons of the teahouse who respond with a gold coin in the tin (read… teapot- corresponding – with slot- atop tin).

Chapter 2: An Eye on the Prize.
As to our involvement, that’s easy. Kerry dreamed up the idea. A bad tempered teapot running away. Teagon the Teapot, like that resentful magic pudding, is sick to death of being called on to provide. Sooooo, Teagon runs away. Bloke on a bicycle is chasing, one hand steering, the other outstretched with cup in hand.

She then rounded up her artisans.  Instructed and supervised me in the drawing, sent me under the house for “that perfect old 44 gallon drum thing” then handed the drawings to Hans. The photos below are the result of what Hans did with the idea and drawings (and several “search and deploy” trips to likely places). Teagon’s hands are a work of art in themselves. Kerry took me to the hardware store to supervise the purchase of the paint – colour consultant is not exactly the term. Colour controller. My programme for next few days has been decided. PAINT TEAGON.

Chapter 3 (read only if the story to date hasn`t revealed all to you )
This , the B4H entry, is aimed for a crack at the $500 prize. You, of the support gang and therefore with natural immaculate artistic taste where large teapots are concerned, are invited to cheer from afar or drop by with your gold coin if within dropping distance in next 2 months. So if you’re in the Southern Highlands area drop in to the Tearooms at the intersection of Mt Broughton and Werai Roads, Werai. Werai sitting mid- way between Mossvale and Exeter.

Attached are a couple ‘candids’, unauthorised, papparRATzi style ,sneaky, pre-finish photos of said teapot, One includes it`s creator Hans. Our entry will be named “First Catch your Teapot”.

Tommy ,(as this emerging masterpiece was dubbed before a search for a name to reflect bad attitude in a teapot became Teagon(e) ( painful but potent pun),  is frozen in his flight from his appointed job of tea supply. Running from all those who would demand it of him, hand holding his bowler hat lid, sprinting for freedom.

Part two of the sculpture will be the B4H cartoon cyclist, wrought in iron, chasing, arm outstretched, teacup in hand.( still dependent on deadlines being meetable) As you can see, Hans has created a masterpiece of nonsense!

Suddenly: “We don’t want to win the prize! -  it`s too grand for $500. We need to NOT win, then have a rich Nonsense-Art collector offer us $1500!” (Yes, I told `im e`s dreamin. kerry).

Anyhow, my job of giving the teapot a face to expose it’s bad attitude and mood, has become fear inducing. Painting a upside down smiley face on a steel can sounded easy. as you can see, A metre high teapot made by Hans…. is NOT a steel can. How can I do justice to  that talent?

Oh dear, oh dearie me, alas and alac – woe has finally betided me!

Murray (Highland’s Bikes 4 Humanity)